Tonight I was struck with such an odd wave of emotion. It really bothered me. A lot.

Maybe now you know how it feels. Maybe now you can understand why I asked the things I did, and why I said that things that I did. You probably don't know how it feels, you're probably not even CLOSE to getting it, because you don't care. You see nothing wrong with what you do. It's outrageous that I'd even assume that there's something there.

But anyways. Throughout my whole life I've had these moments. The moments where I would like to drop off the earth. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to be touched. My face is moist with tears, usually. (Ha, right now.) I just want to cease being for like 5 seconds and just breathe. Is that too much to ask?

I feel lost. I search and search, I never like what I find. And I'm trying as hard as I can to find the silver lining to the cloud that is my life right now. I can't help but feel that it's not there at all.

I need you to give me reassurance. I need you to tell me that it will be ok. I need to believe that you believe as much as I do. I can't rely on myself anymore. I need you to accept the fact that, yes, sometimes I'm paranoid and I freak out about stuff. BUT ALL OF THIS COULD BE SOLVED WITH A LITTLE REASSURANCE. INSTEAD OF EMPTY SENTENCES AND BLANK STARES AND SILENCE. I need you to go out of your way (hopefully very soon because I can't TAKE this anymore) and just ask if I'm ok. I will lie and say yes. But I need you to dig deeper and press me further and take me to a place where I cannot lie to you anymore. And then when I spill my guts to you, I need you to listen. I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN CLOSELY AND HANG ON EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT I AM SAYING LIKE ITS THE LAST THING YOU WILL EVER HEAR. LISTEN UNTIL YOUR FUCKEN EARS BLEED AND THE SUN BURNS OUT OF THE SKY. SHOW you care through the use of your ears. And when I am done, SHOW you care through the use of your mouth.

As I said before, this could be solved with a little reassurance. Sure, it may seem petty and stupid. But it isn't for me. It eats me up inside like a bad parasite.

I'm tired of feeling this way. Please, help me.