It's hard to describe...

I don't know what this feeling is. This feeling of being home...when I am not home. Let me try to elaborate.

I first arrived in Ithaca around June 1st. I had a job. I had classes. I was busy. I was distracted.

Soon though, after falling into an all-too-boring routine, I started realizing that I was unhappy here. None of my friends were here, I could barely stand my job, and classes were difficult. I wanted so badly to go home. So much so that I escaped for 3 days at a time, when I could. Short but sweet, as they say. I also planned trips to visit friends, hoping that I could ease the loneliness I was experiencing and get away from Ithaca -- the place I was starting to detest.

These feelings hung around for quite some time. I couldn't shake them. There was nothing I could do to make this town feel like a home. I hit a very low point. I locked myself in my room for three days straight. I called out of work. I made myself sick thinking about all of it. I couldn't eat without feeling horrible, I couldn't sleep without the aid of a drug, and I couldn't get out of bed during the day. I was useless.

I'm not sure what happened, but something clicked about two days ago. I decided that it was time to change things, because I didn't like how I was feeling. I was back on the work schedule, so I was kept busy during the day. That night I cleaned my kitchen and the front hallway. It made me feel so much better, weird. The next day (yesterday), I walked to work in the sun. It was beautiful. I worked with all of my favorite people. Then, last night, I got a text from a friend at work asking me to hang out. I accepted and escaped my house and went to hers. Me and two other girls from work sat and talked for about 4 hours. We talked about life, work, school, friends, summertime, keeping in touch, etc etc. After I left I wanted to cry...but I didn't know why.

Then again tonight, I got a text after my friend got out of work. "Wanna hang out?" Yes, and another friend from work joined us too. We sat outside on this beautiful night and talked for 4 hours...same stuff: work, school, friends, school, summertime, keeping in touch, etc etc. Again, walking home...I wanted to cry. In a small way my heart was breaking.

I got home and sat with these emotions for a little while, wondering why after I had just spent time with my friends that I could feel so low. Then, again, something clicked.

Just in the past 3 days, I have become so attached to this place and the people here. I have made some of the greatest friends that I could ask for. They are so different from me, yet we relate so well. I was excited to go home, but now it is breaking my heart to think that I have to leave all of this behind. I know I'll be back, but it won't be the same. With class schedules and school picking up, it won't compare to the summer. The friends that I've made here this summer are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to associate myself with. They've made Ithaca a place that I can call Home. They are the reason that I love going to work every day. They are the reason that I feel like crying when I think about how I have to leave here in a day.

I'm leaving something so great behind. As much as I love going home, I can't help but admit that I'll be thinking about Ithaca while I'm in Plymouth, wishing my work buddies, correction, good friends were there with me.

So it's odd because...I feel like I'm leaving Home to go...Home? Ugh.

I know tomorrow night is going to be difficult for me. It is my last night in Ithaca for a while. My friends and I will be getting together for one last time before I depart. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye to them, the people that make this town feel like Home.

Let's face it, I'm TOTALLY gonna cry at least half of the way home.