Murphy's Law.

"Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

I am feeling low. Lower than low. The lowest I have felt in quite some time. Probably because of a series of unfortunate events.

Just today was horrible. A day that, I believe, would render any somewhat emotional person into a whirlwind of tears and depression. Luckily I'm not feeling that emotional right now, ha.

It started when I received an email this morning from my mom telling me that John has been laid off from his job. She said it best when she said that our financial situation will be way tighter now, moreso than usual. Figures that on the day that she tells me she cannot afford uneccessary expenses, something goes wrong with my car.

I don't know what it is, but I have never really felt so slighted in my life. First, I have a friend from home visit, and I felt like ever 20 minutes her girlfriend was calling to check in. Eventually I got so frustrated I said something to her. I know nothing will change. Also, I am a person who would drop pretty much anything at a moments notice to help a friend in need. I don't like when people are selfish and can't go out of their way in an emergency or a tight situation to help a friend. Seriously, fuck you. I'll tell you where to go and how to get there, asshole.

I think it was at the point where I started feeling this weight and the lowness of it all is when I had to walk to class in the rain. It just all set in. The fact that my mom relies so much on my father and his income, even though they are not tied to eachother whatsoever (only by me). He complains about paying for college, when in reality he's the reason we do not get any aid. He complains about paying for something that will benefit me so much, and then goes on vacation in Martha's Vineyard for a week and a half. It makes me feel bad for wanting to pursue some form of higher education in this world, and makes me feel bad for wanting to better myself, because my dad "can't afford" the things he wants while he's paying for me. So it sucks that my car broke down today, because it's another thing we have to lean on my father for, and another thing he can hold over mine and my mother's heads in the future.

I want to cry but I won't. I don't have a reason to cry. I'm just in love with my car and its like when your favorite toy breaks OF COURSE you want to cry. And I'm just very stressed and very blah right now its all hitting me at once.

But, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel! There is, I swear! I love my job. I am working a lot this week. I am very excited. I love my work friends. Work friends = amazing.

Also, I booked a trip today. A neccessary trip. I'm getting away July 4th weekend and for once spending it how I want to spend it. I'm funding the trip so no one can give me flack. So, fuck off. I'm going to enjoy my vacation.

I will end with some lyrics, "Cause paper always listens and this pen is always by my side." So true. It helps to write (or type) things down.