Em and I are going to upstate NY this weekend...I am so fucking pumped. It's going to be SO. MUCH. FUN. Gonna be there til monday so it's enough time to chill and enjoy ourselves before we head back here.
Life has been fantastic lately. I love my friends. I had a great birthday. It's a lot of fun to go out in downtown Plymouth. The weather here is beautiful, mostly, lol. Sometimes it'll start off crappy in the morning and then get nice, or vice versa.
Went kayaking for the first time in a while the other day. I have such a nice Necky kayak that I bought (for good money) when I was younger...its just hard to get it to the beach though. Hopefully I can get out a few more times before I go back to school.
OH! I realized that gambling isn't my thing, haha. I went to Mohegan Sun with my stepmom on monday...I did ok at roulette, won 70 dolla...but everything else just sucks away the money, woops. But...I do get lucky on scratch tickets sometimes. On my birthday I won 20 dollars on one scratch ticket, and then later in the day won 100 dolla! I should just stick to those.
This post was a lot longer than intended, but oh well. Sometimes it just feels good to type all this stuff out. Then I'll go over to my other blog and write all the stuff that I can't write here, hahaha. You see, when I'm famous I don't want all this stuff coming back and biting me in the butt...so I have a private blog for just me, where I can write whatever the fuck I want with no guilt. It's just strategy, trust me.
Alright well. Peace and blessings. Peace and blessings.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Ahhhhhhh!!!
I promise that my last post, filled with the angsty bullshit dramz won't be my last...I just haven't found time to sit down and really write something good.
Also, let's face it, I haven't found the motivation.
So for now, sit tight, bitches.
Also, let's face it, I haven't found the motivation.
So for now, sit tight, bitches.
Monday, July 27, 2009
You're a fucking bitch and you are well aware of it.
For some reason, you feel it necessary to go OUT OF YOUR FUCKING WAY to try and get under my skin. SERIOUSLY, cut the shit. I'm fucken tired of you and the bullshit.
Just leave me the fuck alone. And stop trying to rub your fucken gay life in my face, because, guess what? I don't give a shit.
I'm happy, and I'd like to stay that way...without you. Fuck face.
For some reason, you feel it necessary to go OUT OF YOUR FUCKING WAY to try and get under my skin. SERIOUSLY, cut the shit. I'm fucken tired of you and the bullshit.
Just leave me the fuck alone. And stop trying to rub your fucken gay life in my face, because, guess what? I don't give a shit.
I'm happy, and I'd like to stay that way...without you. Fuck face.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
birthday.
it's my 21st birthday. hell fucken yes.
i'm drunk. totally legal. hell fucken yes.
i love alcohol. hell fucken yes.
tomorrow is gonna be nuts. hell fucken yes.
i'm drunk. totally legal. hell fucken yes.
i love alcohol. hell fucken yes.
tomorrow is gonna be nuts. hell fucken yes.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
It's hard to describe...
I don't know what this feeling is. This feeling of being home...when I am not home. Let me try to elaborate.
I first arrived in Ithaca around June 1st. I had a job. I had classes. I was busy. I was distracted.
Soon though, after falling into an all-too-boring routine, I started realizing that I was unhappy here. None of my friends were here, I could barely stand my job, and classes were difficult. I wanted so badly to go home. So much so that I escaped for 3 days at a time, when I could. Short but sweet, as they say. I also planned trips to visit friends, hoping that I could ease the loneliness I was experiencing and get away from Ithaca -- the place I was starting to detest.
These feelings hung around for quite some time. I couldn't shake them. There was nothing I could do to make this town feel like a home. I hit a very low point. I locked myself in my room for three days straight. I called out of work. I made myself sick thinking about all of it. I couldn't eat without feeling horrible, I couldn't sleep without the aid of a drug, and I couldn't get out of bed during the day. I was useless.
I'm not sure what happened, but something clicked about two days ago. I decided that it was time to change things, because I didn't like how I was feeling. I was back on the work schedule, so I was kept busy during the day. That night I cleaned my kitchen and the front hallway. It made me feel so much better, weird. The next day (yesterday), I walked to work in the sun. It was beautiful. I worked with all of my favorite people. Then, last night, I got a text from a friend at work asking me to hang out. I accepted and escaped my house and went to hers. Me and two other girls from work sat and talked for about 4 hours. We talked about life, work, school, friends, summertime, keeping in touch, etc etc. After I left I wanted to cry...but I didn't know why.
Then again tonight, I got a text after my friend got out of work. "Wanna hang out?" Yes, and another friend from work joined us too. We sat outside on this beautiful night and talked for 4 hours...same stuff: work, school, friends, school, summertime, keeping in touch, etc etc. Again, walking home...I wanted to cry. In a small way my heart was breaking.
I got home and sat with these emotions for a little while, wondering why after I had just spent time with my friends that I could feel so low. Then, again, something clicked.
Just in the past 3 days, I have become so attached to this place and the people here. I have made some of the greatest friends that I could ask for. They are so different from me, yet we relate so well. I was excited to go home, but now it is breaking my heart to think that I have to leave all of this behind. I know I'll be back, but it won't be the same. With class schedules and school picking up, it won't compare to the summer. The friends that I've made here this summer are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to associate myself with. They've made Ithaca a place that I can call Home. They are the reason that I love going to work every day. They are the reason that I feel like crying when I think about how I have to leave here in a day.
I'm leaving something so great behind. As much as I love going home, I can't help but admit that I'll be thinking about Ithaca while I'm in Plymouth, wishing my work buddies, correction, good friends were there with me.
So it's odd because...I feel like I'm leaving Home to go...Home? Ugh.
I know tomorrow night is going to be difficult for me. It is my last night in Ithaca for a while. My friends and I will be getting together for one last time before I depart. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye to them, the people that make this town feel like Home.
Let's face it, I'm TOTALLY gonna cry at least half of the way home.
I first arrived in Ithaca around June 1st. I had a job. I had classes. I was busy. I was distracted.
Soon though, after falling into an all-too-boring routine, I started realizing that I was unhappy here. None of my friends were here, I could barely stand my job, and classes were difficult. I wanted so badly to go home. So much so that I escaped for 3 days at a time, when I could. Short but sweet, as they say. I also planned trips to visit friends, hoping that I could ease the loneliness I was experiencing and get away from Ithaca -- the place I was starting to detest.
These feelings hung around for quite some time. I couldn't shake them. There was nothing I could do to make this town feel like a home. I hit a very low point. I locked myself in my room for three days straight. I called out of work. I made myself sick thinking about all of it. I couldn't eat without feeling horrible, I couldn't sleep without the aid of a drug, and I couldn't get out of bed during the day. I was useless.
I'm not sure what happened, but something clicked about two days ago. I decided that it was time to change things, because I didn't like how I was feeling. I was back on the work schedule, so I was kept busy during the day. That night I cleaned my kitchen and the front hallway. It made me feel so much better, weird. The next day (yesterday), I walked to work in the sun. It was beautiful. I worked with all of my favorite people. Then, last night, I got a text from a friend at work asking me to hang out. I accepted and escaped my house and went to hers. Me and two other girls from work sat and talked for about 4 hours. We talked about life, work, school, friends, summertime, keeping in touch, etc etc. After I left I wanted to cry...but I didn't know why.
Then again tonight, I got a text after my friend got out of work. "Wanna hang out?" Yes, and another friend from work joined us too. We sat outside on this beautiful night and talked for 4 hours...same stuff: work, school, friends, school, summertime, keeping in touch, etc etc. Again, walking home...I wanted to cry. In a small way my heart was breaking.
I got home and sat with these emotions for a little while, wondering why after I had just spent time with my friends that I could feel so low. Then, again, something clicked.
Just in the past 3 days, I have become so attached to this place and the people here. I have made some of the greatest friends that I could ask for. They are so different from me, yet we relate so well. I was excited to go home, but now it is breaking my heart to think that I have to leave all of this behind. I know I'll be back, but it won't be the same. With class schedules and school picking up, it won't compare to the summer. The friends that I've made here this summer are some of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to associate myself with. They've made Ithaca a place that I can call Home. They are the reason that I love going to work every day. They are the reason that I feel like crying when I think about how I have to leave here in a day.
I'm leaving something so great behind. As much as I love going home, I can't help but admit that I'll be thinking about Ithaca while I'm in Plymouth, wishing my work buddies, correction, good friends were there with me.
So it's odd because...I feel like I'm leaving Home to go...Home? Ugh.
I know tomorrow night is going to be difficult for me. It is my last night in Ithaca for a while. My friends and I will be getting together for one last time before I depart. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye to them, the people that make this town feel like Home.
Let's face it, I'm TOTALLY gonna cry at least half of the way home.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Owl City dental care.
I brush my teeth and look in the mirror and laugh out loud. As I'm beaming from ear to ear, I'd rather pick flowers instead of fights. I'd rather flaunt style. I'd flash you a smile of clean pearly whites.
I've been to the dentist a thousand times, so I know the drill. I smooth my hair, sit back in the chair, and some how I still get the chills.
"Have a seat," he says pleasantly, as he shakes my hand and practically laughs at me. "Open up nice and wide," he says peering in. And with a smirk he says "Don't have a fit, this will just pinch a bit..." as he tries not to grin.
Talking only brings the toothaches on because I say the stupidest things. So if my resolve goes south, I swallow my pride with asprin and shut my mouth.
Cough and alcohol don't mix, and that's why I don't drink and drive. Because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth and have to kiss my smile goodbye!
:-D
I've been to the dentist a thousand times, so I know the drill. I smooth my hair, sit back in the chair, and some how I still get the chills.
"Have a seat," he says pleasantly, as he shakes my hand and practically laughs at me. "Open up nice and wide," he says peering in. And with a smirk he says "Don't have a fit, this will just pinch a bit..." as he tries not to grin.
Talking only brings the toothaches on because I say the stupidest things. So if my resolve goes south, I swallow my pride with asprin and shut my mouth.
Cough and alcohol don't mix, and that's why I don't drink and drive. Because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth and have to kiss my smile goodbye!
:-D
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Owl City.
Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins.
I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins.
Owl City.
It's quite clear that I'm stuck here, so I'll devise a plan and cut out a door in my new living room floor. The porch light is so bright, that I will quickly sneak down the dark metal shape of the rusty fire escape.
I bought a one-way ticket, 'cause I knew I'd never see the ground. Unless I was aboard a jet plane, and we were going down.
I bought a one-way ticket, 'cause I knew I'd never see the ground. Unless I was aboard a jet plane, and we were going down.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Some people say the best stuff to me.
"If you're thrown overboard, you just gotta know how to swim. The strong do survive, and it really helps if you have charm and wit."
True story, baby. I'm going places.
True story, baby. I'm going places.
Ouch/Party Time.
Ok so I think I may have tweaked something in my back. I can conclude that its from sleeping in a foreign bed for a while...so my back rebelled against me.
This is extremely unfortunate because I do a lot of lifting at work, and bending over to pick things up. So I've found that recently I can't even do simple tasks without a shooting pain in my right side. Its like once I bend over I just wanna stay there because I know when I try to straighten up its gonna kill like a bitch. And it usually does.
For now I'm just going to power through it. If it does get worse...well, by that time I'll probably be home and off of work for a little while. I can treat it with some boozin' because I'll be 21 by then. Oh joy.
Speaking of home, I can't wait to be there. The day I get back my father and Marlene are throwing a complete ripper for me at their house. She told me there will probably be a keg (or two!) at the party. I shot some invites to my friends to come over and take advantage of the free booze and free (catered) cuisine. My dad always told me, "We had a keg at your first birthday party, so that means we have to have one at your 21st!!"...gotta love him. Also, my dad's side of the family...they are like the masters of acquiring tons and tons of fireworks. Mind you that they are illegal in MA. So of course, we are also having a fireworks display that night. Happy birthday to me lol.
Hopefully I will survive my 21st. I knowwwww my friends have some fucken crazy shit planned for me, and they won't stop until I'm totally hammered. None of that lame, "Oh lets go to the bar and have a couple drinks" shit. Nah, all-out, booze-fest. Basically we're fucken bar-hop the shit outta downtown and get shitfaced. My friends and I know how to have a good time, and we are gonna do just that. FUCK YES.
Ahhh...I can't wait :)
This is extremely unfortunate because I do a lot of lifting at work, and bending over to pick things up. So I've found that recently I can't even do simple tasks without a shooting pain in my right side. Its like once I bend over I just wanna stay there because I know when I try to straighten up its gonna kill like a bitch. And it usually does.
For now I'm just going to power through it. If it does get worse...well, by that time I'll probably be home and off of work for a little while. I can treat it with some boozin' because I'll be 21 by then. Oh joy.
Speaking of home, I can't wait to be there. The day I get back my father and Marlene are throwing a complete ripper for me at their house. She told me there will probably be a keg (or two!) at the party. I shot some invites to my friends to come over and take advantage of the free booze and free (catered) cuisine. My dad always told me, "We had a keg at your first birthday party, so that means we have to have one at your 21st!!"...gotta love him. Also, my dad's side of the family...they are like the masters of acquiring tons and tons of fireworks. Mind you that they are illegal in MA. So of course, we are also having a fireworks display that night. Happy birthday to me lol.
Hopefully I will survive my 21st. I knowwwww my friends have some fucken crazy shit planned for me, and they won't stop until I'm totally hammered. None of that lame, "Oh lets go to the bar and have a couple drinks" shit. Nah, all-out, booze-fest. Basically we're fucken bar-hop the shit outta downtown and get shitfaced. My friends and I know how to have a good time, and we are gonna do just that. FUCK YES.
Ahhh...I can't wait :)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Been thinking.
Been thinking a lot. This is a big decision for me. I can't continue to take the fact that the bridge is burning...the bridge which we both built. It seems like I am the only one trying to maintain it.
I give up.
This is it.
I give up.
This is it.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Some will seek forgiveness, others escape.
Here's my kiss to betray
Desperate to brush the lips of grace.
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I've lied?
Jesus, I'm ready to come home
I'm ready to come home...
Desperate to brush the lips of grace.
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I've lied?
Jesus, I'm ready to come home
I'm ready to come home...
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Bloggity blog blog
Im in a bloggy mood lately.
I made two new ones. More for me than anybody. Personal interest, if you will.
I made two new ones. More for me than anybody. Personal interest, if you will.
Monday, July 6, 2009
This literally made me laugh out loud for 5 minutes.
Talking to Jess...she just got back from Honduras. This is what she tells me:
Jess: i had a dream about you last night lol it was weird
a5garv: oh jeez
Jess: yup
a5garv: what was itttt
a5garv: was it appropriate
Jess: mostly? lol
a5garv: ok
a5garv: let me hear it
a5garv: all the dirty details
Jess: it was weird
Jess: it was like an outdoor buffett?
Jess: and there were rows and rows of food
Jess: and you and me and a couple of ppl were in trouble
a5garv: of course
Jess: because we weren't following the christmas spirit
Jess: like we weren't being good?
Jess: so we had to eat chicken and christmas food
Jess: and wear xmas colors
a5garv: hahahahahahahah
Jess: but you and i kept sneaking away
Jess: well sort of to the side
Jess: to make out on a bed of mashed potatoes
Jess: it was really really weird..
a5garv: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Jess: then my alarm went off
At this point i was literally laughing so hard i could not see my computer screen. She blames it on her anti-malaria meds...i just say that she misses me!!! But anyways, its good to hear from her after she was in Honduras for 5 weeks with limited communication. We surely have a lot of catching up to do.
Jess: i had a dream about you last night lol it was weird
a5garv: oh jeez
Jess: yup
a5garv: what was itttt
a5garv: was it appropriate
Jess: mostly? lol
a5garv: ok
a5garv: let me hear it
a5garv: all the dirty details
Jess: it was weird
Jess: it was like an outdoor buffett?
Jess: and there were rows and rows of food
Jess: and you and me and a couple of ppl were in trouble
a5garv: of course
Jess: because we weren't following the christmas spirit
Jess: like we weren't being good?
Jess: so we had to eat chicken and christmas food
Jess: and wear xmas colors
a5garv: hahahahahahahah
Jess: but you and i kept sneaking away
Jess: well sort of to the side
Jess: to make out on a bed of mashed potatoes
Jess: it was really really weird..
a5garv: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Jess: then my alarm went off
At this point i was literally laughing so hard i could not see my computer screen. She blames it on her anti-malaria meds...i just say that she misses me!!! But anyways, its good to hear from her after she was in Honduras for 5 weeks with limited communication. We surely have a lot of catching up to do.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
wtf.
Why do girls gotta be bitches?
p.s. give up already. it's bordering on pathetic now. actually i think it's crossed that border. now it's just obsession to the point where you're actually getting some pity from me. ha.
p.s. give up already. it's bordering on pathetic now. actually i think it's crossed that border. now it's just obsession to the point where you're actually getting some pity from me. ha.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Sooner than Later
Every chance I get to make it better
I just find a way to let it go
When the lights don’t glow the same way that they used to
And I finally get a moment to myself
I will realize you were everything I’m missing
And you'll tell me you're in love with someone else.
The girl or the world?
You see, someones gotta lose.
I thought I could have it all
Do I really gotta choose?
What good is all the cash if it doesn’t buy time?
And what good is being me if I’m never on your mind?
Nights fallen, lights glowing
I’m just trying to pay the price
I'm not trying to be without you at the right moments
Is it worth that decision?
Cuz hearts break, and I'm not trying to be in that collision
So I will dust my shirt and fix my pants
Cuz I better look good girl
If this is my chance.
I swear...
I just find a way to let it go
When the lights don’t glow the same way that they used to
And I finally get a moment to myself
I will realize you were everything I’m missing
And you'll tell me you're in love with someone else.
The girl or the world?
You see, someones gotta lose.
I thought I could have it all
Do I really gotta choose?
What good is all the cash if it doesn’t buy time?
And what good is being me if I’m never on your mind?
Nights fallen, lights glowing
I’m just trying to pay the price
I'm not trying to be without you at the right moments
Is it worth that decision?
Cuz hearts break, and I'm not trying to be in that collision
So I will dust my shirt and fix my pants
Cuz I better look good girl
If this is my chance.
I swear...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Murphy's Law.
"Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong."
I am feeling low. Lower than low. The lowest I have felt in quite some time. Probably because of a series of unfortunate events.
Just today was horrible. A day that, I believe, would render any somewhat emotional person into a whirlwind of tears and depression. Luckily I'm not feeling that emotional right now, ha.
It started when I received an email this morning from my mom telling me that John has been laid off from his job. She said it best when she said that our financial situation will be way tighter now, moreso than usual. Figures that on the day that she tells me she cannot afford uneccessary expenses, something goes wrong with my car.
I don't know what it is, but I have never really felt so slighted in my life. First, I have a friend from home visit, and I felt like ever 20 minutes her girlfriend was calling to check in. Eventually I got so frustrated I said something to her. I know nothing will change. Also, I am a person who would drop pretty much anything at a moments notice to help a friend in need. I don't like when people are selfish and can't go out of their way in an emergency or a tight situation to help a friend. Seriously, fuck you. I'll tell you where to go and how to get there, asshole.
I think it was at the point where I started feeling this weight and the lowness of it all is when I had to walk to class in the rain. It just all set in. The fact that my mom relies so much on my father and his income, even though they are not tied to eachother whatsoever (only by me). He complains about paying for college, when in reality he's the reason we do not get any aid. He complains about paying for something that will benefit me so much, and then goes on vacation in Martha's Vineyard for a week and a half. It makes me feel bad for wanting to pursue some form of higher education in this world, and makes me feel bad for wanting to better myself, because my dad "can't afford" the things he wants while he's paying for me. So it sucks that my car broke down today, because it's another thing we have to lean on my father for, and another thing he can hold over mine and my mother's heads in the future.
I want to cry but I won't. I don't have a reason to cry. I'm just in love with my car and its like when your favorite toy breaks OF COURSE you want to cry. And I'm just very stressed and very blah right now its all hitting me at once.
But, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel! There is, I swear! I love my job. I am working a lot this week. I am very excited. I love my work friends. Work friends = amazing.
Also, I booked a trip today. A neccessary trip. I'm getting away July 4th weekend and for once spending it how I want to spend it. I'm funding the trip so no one can give me flack. So, fuck off. I'm going to enjoy my vacation.
I will end with some lyrics, "Cause paper always listens and this pen is always by my side." So true. It helps to write (or type) things down.
I am feeling low. Lower than low. The lowest I have felt in quite some time. Probably because of a series of unfortunate events.
Just today was horrible. A day that, I believe, would render any somewhat emotional person into a whirlwind of tears and depression. Luckily I'm not feeling that emotional right now, ha.
It started when I received an email this morning from my mom telling me that John has been laid off from his job. She said it best when she said that our financial situation will be way tighter now, moreso than usual. Figures that on the day that she tells me she cannot afford uneccessary expenses, something goes wrong with my car.
I don't know what it is, but I have never really felt so slighted in my life. First, I have a friend from home visit, and I felt like ever 20 minutes her girlfriend was calling to check in. Eventually I got so frustrated I said something to her. I know nothing will change. Also, I am a person who would drop pretty much anything at a moments notice to help a friend in need. I don't like when people are selfish and can't go out of their way in an emergency or a tight situation to help a friend. Seriously, fuck you. I'll tell you where to go and how to get there, asshole.
I think it was at the point where I started feeling this weight and the lowness of it all is when I had to walk to class in the rain. It just all set in. The fact that my mom relies so much on my father and his income, even though they are not tied to eachother whatsoever (only by me). He complains about paying for college, when in reality he's the reason we do not get any aid. He complains about paying for something that will benefit me so much, and then goes on vacation in Martha's Vineyard for a week and a half. It makes me feel bad for wanting to pursue some form of higher education in this world, and makes me feel bad for wanting to better myself, because my dad "can't afford" the things he wants while he's paying for me. So it sucks that my car broke down today, because it's another thing we have to lean on my father for, and another thing he can hold over mine and my mother's heads in the future.
I want to cry but I won't. I don't have a reason to cry. I'm just in love with my car and its like when your favorite toy breaks OF COURSE you want to cry. And I'm just very stressed and very blah right now its all hitting me at once.
But, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel! There is, I swear! I love my job. I am working a lot this week. I am very excited. I love my work friends. Work friends = amazing.
Also, I booked a trip today. A neccessary trip. I'm getting away July 4th weekend and for once spending it how I want to spend it. I'm funding the trip so no one can give me flack. So, fuck off. I'm going to enjoy my vacation.
I will end with some lyrics, "Cause paper always listens and this pen is always by my side." So true. It helps to write (or type) things down.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Am I nuts? No, I'm insane.
Headaches, headaches. I've had more headaches in the past week than I've had in like the past year! And when I say headache, I dont mean because I'm hungover...I mean straight up, today I woke up and all I could say to describe it was that its a "headache hat". My whole head was just in so much pain.
Anywho, my life consists of, right now: work (a lot), statistics, accounting...and thats about it. I'm managing to keep busy, and have been planning trips sporadically to keep myself entertained. I can't wait for my July 4th weekend adventure!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Next week I have a friend visiting too. So yay for company. Just gonna be a shitshow so yay to that as well lol.
Ok my headache is officially taking over my life right now so I need to close my eyes and not look at a break comp screen.
Anywho, my life consists of, right now: work (a lot), statistics, accounting...and thats about it. I'm managing to keep busy, and have been planning trips sporadically to keep myself entertained. I can't wait for my July 4th weekend adventure!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Next week I have a friend visiting too. So yay for company. Just gonna be a shitshow so yay to that as well lol.
Ok my headache is officially taking over my life right now so I need to close my eyes and not look at a break comp screen.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
It needs to stop.
I need to stop having dreams like that. So realistic, so emotional, so bothering. What I also need to do is stop eating so close to when I go to bed...damn eggs and toast!
Anyways, things are interesting. It always seems for me that when one thing ends another is shortly following. Well this is no different. Its nice to have someone to call after work and just talk to about nothing for what's been very hefty chunks of time. And getting to know someone is so much fun :)
Also, I have somewhat of a new addiction. Its technology induced, of course, which I hate because that's more time spent on my computer not actually doing anything and not having a life. Anyway, I've found that I've been looking up celebrities on Twitter? Random, I know. But it's cool...because they're normal people and they Tweet (?) about normal things and I just wish I was famous...that's the bottom line. Ha. No, but really, Miley Cyrus is human too!!!!!
Now that I look like a big loser I'm going to peace outttt. Gotta go to work so I can make that money and afford all my trips this summer ;)
Anyways, things are interesting. It always seems for me that when one thing ends another is shortly following. Well this is no different. Its nice to have someone to call after work and just talk to about nothing for what's been very hefty chunks of time. And getting to know someone is so much fun :)
Also, I have somewhat of a new addiction. Its technology induced, of course, which I hate because that's more time spent on my computer not actually doing anything and not having a life. Anyway, I've found that I've been looking up celebrities on Twitter? Random, I know. But it's cool...because they're normal people and they Tweet (?) about normal things and I just wish I was famous...that's the bottom line. Ha. No, but really, Miley Cyrus is human too!!!!!
Now that I look like a big loser I'm going to peace outttt. Gotta go to work so I can make that money and afford all my trips this summer ;)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Going to "Hoe School"...trust me, it'll be a hit on VH1.
So very very very very very very very...
...VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY excited for tomorrow!!! :-)
I'm going to Poughkeepsie(-ish?) for the weekend, and it's garaunteed to be a fucken blast and a half. Ahhhh I've been waiting so long for this day to come!!!
I'm counting down the minutes.
...VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY excited for tomorrow!!! :-)
I'm going to Poughkeepsie(-ish?) for the weekend, and it's garaunteed to be a fucken blast and a half. Ahhhh I've been waiting so long for this day to come!!!
I'm counting down the minutes.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
okkkkkkkk...
ok so fuck that last post. delete delete delete.
can't say i didn't know this was coming. fuck my life. to the maximum. when will it ever be a time where people just start saying "fuck it" and not caring and living their life how they want to?
suckfest '09...here we come!!!
can't say i didn't know this was coming. fuck my life. to the maximum. when will it ever be a time where people just start saying "fuck it" and not caring and living their life how they want to?
suckfest '09...here we come!!!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tonight I was struck with such an odd wave of emotion. It really bothered me. A lot.
Maybe now you know how it feels. Maybe now you can understand why I asked the things I did, and why I said that things that I did. You probably don't know how it feels, you're probably not even CLOSE to getting it, because you don't care. You see nothing wrong with what you do. It's outrageous that I'd even assume that there's something there.
But anyways. Throughout my whole life I've had these moments. The moments where I would like to drop off the earth. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to be touched. My face is moist with tears, usually. (Ha, right now.) I just want to cease being for like 5 seconds and just breathe. Is that too much to ask?
I feel lost. I search and search, I never like what I find. And I'm trying as hard as I can to find the silver lining to the cloud that is my life right now. I can't help but feel that it's not there at all.
I need you to give me reassurance. I need you to tell me that it will be ok. I need to believe that you believe as much as I do. I can't rely on myself anymore. I need you to accept the fact that, yes, sometimes I'm paranoid and I freak out about stuff. BUT ALL OF THIS COULD BE SOLVED WITH A LITTLE REASSURANCE. INSTEAD OF EMPTY SENTENCES AND BLANK STARES AND SILENCE. I need you to go out of your way (hopefully very soon because I can't TAKE this anymore) and just ask if I'm ok. I will lie and say yes. But I need you to dig deeper and press me further and take me to a place where I cannot lie to you anymore. And then when I spill my guts to you, I need you to listen. I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN CLOSELY AND HANG ON EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT I AM SAYING LIKE ITS THE LAST THING YOU WILL EVER HEAR. LISTEN UNTIL YOUR FUCKEN EARS BLEED AND THE SUN BURNS OUT OF THE SKY. SHOW you care through the use of your ears. And when I am done, SHOW you care through the use of your mouth.
As I said before, this could be solved with a little reassurance. Sure, it may seem petty and stupid. But it isn't for me. It eats me up inside like a bad parasite.
I'm tired of feeling this way. Please, help me.
Maybe now you know how it feels. Maybe now you can understand why I asked the things I did, and why I said that things that I did. You probably don't know how it feels, you're probably not even CLOSE to getting it, because you don't care. You see nothing wrong with what you do. It's outrageous that I'd even assume that there's something there.
But anyways. Throughout my whole life I've had these moments. The moments where I would like to drop off the earth. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to be touched. My face is moist with tears, usually. (Ha, right now.) I just want to cease being for like 5 seconds and just breathe. Is that too much to ask?
I feel lost. I search and search, I never like what I find. And I'm trying as hard as I can to find the silver lining to the cloud that is my life right now. I can't help but feel that it's not there at all.
I need you to give me reassurance. I need you to tell me that it will be ok. I need to believe that you believe as much as I do. I can't rely on myself anymore. I need you to accept the fact that, yes, sometimes I'm paranoid and I freak out about stuff. BUT ALL OF THIS COULD BE SOLVED WITH A LITTLE REASSURANCE. INSTEAD OF EMPTY SENTENCES AND BLANK STARES AND SILENCE. I need you to go out of your way (hopefully very soon because I can't TAKE this anymore) and just ask if I'm ok. I will lie and say yes. But I need you to dig deeper and press me further and take me to a place where I cannot lie to you anymore. And then when I spill my guts to you, I need you to listen. I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN CLOSELY AND HANG ON EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT I AM SAYING LIKE ITS THE LAST THING YOU WILL EVER HEAR. LISTEN UNTIL YOUR FUCKEN EARS BLEED AND THE SUN BURNS OUT OF THE SKY. SHOW you care through the use of your ears. And when I am done, SHOW you care through the use of your mouth.
As I said before, this could be solved with a little reassurance. Sure, it may seem petty and stupid. But it isn't for me. It eats me up inside like a bad parasite.
I'm tired of feeling this way. Please, help me.
Friday, May 22, 2009
New look.
It's kinda sorta summer now, so I figured I'd go with new lighter colors for the layout. Plus, green is my favorite colorrrr :)
Upon reflecting, I have come to some conclusions:
1. My summer is going to be boring. MAYBE.
2. I'm going to be super busy...if I can land the second job at the library. Working mornings to afternoons at the library, then class at night on weekdays. On weekends, work banquets and functions at the Statler Hotel.
3. I can put aside happiness if it means I'm getting paid. I dont care if I'm bored stiff...because I'll be getting paid for it and making tons of money so who cares.
4. I'm turning 21 so soon!
5. I'm gonna start running I think, I just need to find a route that doesn't suck. I'm thinking around campus. Oh, and do that thing called lifting weights. Blah.
6. I am eligible next fall?
7. I NEED A WINE OPENING TOOL FOR WORK!!! I just remembered...I dont have one...ah.
8. I need to do a serious room overhaul (cleaning, laundry, etc.) before I have any friends visit.
9. I'm excited to go home to see my fam...but I'll be excited to come back to Ithaca too.
10. Hmm number ten...I love you :)
11. I'm out of reflections lol
"One day at a time, one step at a time...time is a test we're going through. Pressure holding me down, my head spinning around, but I'm standing my ground. Time is a test we're going through."
Upon reflecting, I have come to some conclusions:
1. My summer is going to be boring. MAYBE.
2. I'm going to be super busy...if I can land the second job at the library. Working mornings to afternoons at the library, then class at night on weekdays. On weekends, work banquets and functions at the Statler Hotel.
3. I can put aside happiness if it means I'm getting paid. I dont care if I'm bored stiff...because I'll be getting paid for it and making tons of money so who cares.
4. I'm turning 21 so soon!
5. I'm gonna start running I think, I just need to find a route that doesn't suck. I'm thinking around campus. Oh, and do that thing called lifting weights. Blah.
6. I am eligible next fall?
7. I NEED A WINE OPENING TOOL FOR WORK!!! I just remembered...I dont have one...ah.
8. I need to do a serious room overhaul (cleaning, laundry, etc.) before I have any friends visit.
9. I'm excited to go home to see my fam...but I'll be excited to come back to Ithaca too.
10. Hmm number ten...I love you :)
11. I'm out of reflections lol
"One day at a time, one step at a time...time is a test we're going through. Pressure holding me down, my head spinning around, but I'm standing my ground. Time is a test we're going through."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The end of NCAA's
We ended up losing to Sacred Heart. I can't say that I'm not happy that it's all over. But I can't say that I'm not sad either.
This season was nothing short of remarkable. I'm going to miss the seniors terribly. The chemistry we as a team shared is unmatched by, I'm sure, nobody. There will never be another team like us, as long as the game of softball is played.
We said some goodbyes today when we arrived back to Bartels after our trip home. Tonight will be our one last hoorah as a (partial) team...with whoever is left here. I'm sure it, too, will be nothing short of remarkable.
Cornell Softball '09...a team, a season, and a memory for the books.
This season was nothing short of remarkable. I'm going to miss the seniors terribly. The chemistry we as a team shared is unmatched by, I'm sure, nobody. There will never be another team like us, as long as the game of softball is played.
We said some goodbyes today when we arrived back to Bartels after our trip home. Tonight will be our one last hoorah as a (partial) team...with whoever is left here. I'm sure it, too, will be nothing short of remarkable.
Cornell Softball '09...a team, a season, and a memory for the books.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
NCAA's days 2/3
This is a continuation of yesterday's post. As I recall, I left off right before we departed for the field and right after Gaeta and I lounged in the room for 4 hours doing nothing.
So we left for the field at 4pm yesterday...our game was at 7:30pm. We arrived at UMass' field at about 4:07pm. We watched Washington warm up for a long while, and started warming up ourselves around 6pm. The game started at approx. 7:30 where the estimated attendance was at 922 people. Wow.
In the game, we were hanging with UMass for quite some time, until roughly the 3rd inning. That's when the worst display of coaching I've ever seen happened. We had bases loaded with one out...Coach Blood called for a suicide squeeze bunt. RETARD. Not only is there a force on at home plate, but there is a freshman up to bat AND a freshman runner on 3rd (who is not a good base runner). Just stupid. It sucked the momentum right out of us, after the runner was thrown out at third (failed squeeze) and the batter struck out. Later in the game, he had someone steal...out. One batter later, another person attempted to steal...out. Terrible coaching. And on top of that, terrible umpiring.
After our loss (run-ruled in the bottom of the 6th)...we all met with our families and got on the bus. All of the upperclassmen were discussing the same thing: the poor coaching. It was just horrible. And he didn't take any credit. He blamed it all on us.
We got back to the hotel after the game and had pizza and salad waiting for us. It was really good pizza, which was one positive to the night. Gaeta and I went back to the room around 10:30...and we were sleeping by 12. Apparently I was talking in my sleep, haha.
We woke up around 9:20 today. We've been lounging and watching quality tv ever since. Again, I love this because the NCAA is paying for everything! This is the laziest (softball) trip I've ever been on. Usually it's stressful and we have schoolwork to worry about. This is awesome because...we've already won, it's stress free. We won Ivies...this is just the icing on the cake, if you will. It's just a fun, awesome experience. I love it.
Today we're departing at 12:30 for lunch at Quiznos. Then we're going to watch the Umass/Washington game. Should be a good one. Our game with Sacred Heart is slated to begin at 5pm, winner will face UMass/Wash at 7:30pm.
Ya Red. Here we go!
So we left for the field at 4pm yesterday...our game was at 7:30pm. We arrived at UMass' field at about 4:07pm. We watched Washington warm up for a long while, and started warming up ourselves around 6pm. The game started at approx. 7:30 where the estimated attendance was at 922 people. Wow.
In the game, we were hanging with UMass for quite some time, until roughly the 3rd inning. That's when the worst display of coaching I've ever seen happened. We had bases loaded with one out...Coach Blood called for a suicide squeeze bunt. RETARD. Not only is there a force on at home plate, but there is a freshman up to bat AND a freshman runner on 3rd (who is not a good base runner). Just stupid. It sucked the momentum right out of us, after the runner was thrown out at third (failed squeeze) and the batter struck out. Later in the game, he had someone steal...out. One batter later, another person attempted to steal...out. Terrible coaching. And on top of that, terrible umpiring.
After our loss (run-ruled in the bottom of the 6th)...we all met with our families and got on the bus. All of the upperclassmen were discussing the same thing: the poor coaching. It was just horrible. And he didn't take any credit. He blamed it all on us.
We got back to the hotel after the game and had pizza and salad waiting for us. It was really good pizza, which was one positive to the night. Gaeta and I went back to the room around 10:30...and we were sleeping by 12. Apparently I was talking in my sleep, haha.
We woke up around 9:20 today. We've been lounging and watching quality tv ever since. Again, I love this because the NCAA is paying for everything! This is the laziest (softball) trip I've ever been on. Usually it's stressful and we have schoolwork to worry about. This is awesome because...we've already won, it's stress free. We won Ivies...this is just the icing on the cake, if you will. It's just a fun, awesome experience. I love it.
Today we're departing at 12:30 for lunch at Quiznos. Then we're going to watch the Umass/Washington game. Should be a good one. Our game with Sacred Heart is slated to begin at 5pm, winner will face UMass/Wash at 7:30pm.
Ya Red. Here we go!
Friday, May 15, 2009
NCAA's, Days 1 and 2
It all started with a departure time from Bartels at 8:30am. We were all extremely tired, so most of us slept the whole way to Albany, where we stopped to fuel up and get huge at Panera. The bus ride to Amherst from Albany wasn't too bad. We arrived at the hotel around 2:30/3pm.
Gaeta and I are roomates. Awesome. Love the girl. We are in a handicapped hotel room...it's huge. And the bathroom is quite large. We hung out in the room until we had to go practice.
4:35pm: Depart hotel for practice at UMass' field.
5:00: Cage time after Washington was done.
6:30: Practice cut short because of rainy/shitty weather. I'm not complaining.
7:30: Depart for dinner at Bertucci's and it is deliciousssss, we all ate so much food.
After dinner a bunch of us just chilled in someone's room and had a blast. Gaeta and I returned to the room around 11:30. We were sleeping by 12:30.
We both slept until 9:45am, where we preceeded to get breakfast down in the lobby and bring it back to the room, where we lounged for about 2.5 hours until lunch at 12:30 at Applebees.
Right now, we're chilling in the room once again until 4 when we leave to go watch Washington play Sacred Heart. Our game is at 7:30pm tonight.
So basically the whole time we've been here...we've either been laying in our hotel bed, eating, or sleeping. Best part: the NCAA is paying for everything.
I love this game.
Gaeta and I are roomates. Awesome. Love the girl. We are in a handicapped hotel room...it's huge. And the bathroom is quite large. We hung out in the room until we had to go practice.
4:35pm: Depart hotel for practice at UMass' field.
5:00: Cage time after Washington was done.
6:30: Practice cut short because of rainy/shitty weather. I'm not complaining.
7:30: Depart for dinner at Bertucci's and it is deliciousssss, we all ate so much food.
After dinner a bunch of us just chilled in someone's room and had a blast. Gaeta and I returned to the room around 11:30. We were sleeping by 12:30.
We both slept until 9:45am, where we preceeded to get breakfast down in the lobby and bring it back to the room, where we lounged for about 2.5 hours until lunch at 12:30 at Applebees.
Right now, we're chilling in the room once again until 4 when we leave to go watch Washington play Sacred Heart. Our game is at 7:30pm tonight.
So basically the whole time we've been here...we've either been laying in our hotel bed, eating, or sleeping. Best part: the NCAA is paying for everything.
I love this game.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Ritalin's never gonna feel the same...
Thank god I dont have a gun. My finger would be on the trigger. I'd choke myself with the barrel before dining the copper encased ticket to the land of No Bullshit.
What a fine last meal that would be.
What a fine last meal that would be.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Let me sign
Standing by a broken tree,
Her hands are all twisted
She's pointing at me,
I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky
She said, "Walk on over here to the bitter shade,
I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know you've been saved."
Her hands are all twisted
She's pointing at me,
I was damned by the light coming out of her eyes
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky
She said, "Walk on over here to the bitter shade,
I will wrap you in my arms and you'll know you've been saved."
Monday, May 4, 2009
It's true what they say.
In order for some things to start, other things have to end. Sad, but true.
"'Cause when I'm with her, I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes
Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay"
"'Cause when I'm with her, I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes
Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay"
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Bitch ain't shit...
It's been a while. And to finish the quote in the title, "...but a hoe and a trick."
Soooo...I have like a girlfriend-ish type person. We're dating. Idk. We're basically in a relationship without a title. It's an odd situation. But, it's nice having someone to buy you dinner every once in a while :)
In other news, IVY SOUTH CHAMPS, BABY!! Softball is awesome.
Long story short...I looooooove my life right now :) :) :)
Soooo...I have like a girlfriend-ish type person. We're dating. Idk. We're basically in a relationship without a title. It's an odd situation. But, it's nice having someone to buy you dinner every once in a while :)
In other news, IVY SOUTH CHAMPS, BABY!! Softball is awesome.
Long story short...I looooooove my life right now :) :) :)
Saturday, April 4, 2009
I spit good game?
Lots of booze, lots of you-know-what all night = fucken great time the other night.
The best part is...its going to happen again. It's amazing how much better of a mood you're in all the time when you start getting laid. COUNT IT!
The best part is...its going to happen again. It's amazing how much better of a mood you're in all the time when you start getting laid. COUNT IT!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Yikes.
Knee = officially destroyed. Now the whole thing hurts. Can't bend it all the way or it feels like a hot piece of metal is being pressed into my knee. Shit, it kills.
And I'm not sure how I feel about a booty call type situation...but we'll see.
Also, I have a good situation right now. But there's just that one barrier that stops everything. God damn the rules. ;-)
And I'm not sure how I feel about a booty call type situation...but we'll see.
Also, I have a good situation right now. But there's just that one barrier that stops everything. God damn the rules. ;-)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
fml.
Injuries so far this 2009 season (12 games in):
Upper left shin = destroyed. From slinding into a concrete-esque third base and colliding with the 3rd baseman. Don't touch it or I might cry.
Lower left shin = bruised. From sliding into a catcher at home (i was safe, yeeee)
Right knee = ouch. Again, from sliding into the catcher.
Left shoulder = sore. From throwing so much.
Right shoulder = shit. From life and hitting a lot.
Right rib cage = bruised and destroyed. From running full speed into a fence trying to catch a foul ball.
Right heel = wtf? This just started hurting today. I dont even know what I did. I think I landed hard on a rock.
Chest = sore. Some bitch threw her elbow into my chest while running by at first base. Fuck that hoe.
And we still have 6 days, 12 games left. Lets see if I'm still alive by the end of this trip, eh?
Upper left shin = destroyed. From slinding into a concrete-esque third base and colliding with the 3rd baseman. Don't touch it or I might cry.
Lower left shin = bruised. From sliding into a catcher at home (i was safe, yeeee)
Right knee = ouch. Again, from sliding into the catcher.
Left shoulder = sore. From throwing so much.
Right shoulder = shit. From life and hitting a lot.
Right rib cage = bruised and destroyed. From running full speed into a fence trying to catch a foul ball.
Right heel = wtf? This just started hurting today. I dont even know what I did. I think I landed hard on a rock.
Chest = sore. Some bitch threw her elbow into my chest while running by at first base. Fuck that hoe.
And we still have 6 days, 12 games left. Lets see if I'm still alive by the end of this trip, eh?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friendship.
...it's the best.
There's nothing better than having a Sober Saturday with some of your best friends, while also sharing this time with some new friends.
It's 4:30am right now. I'm not drunk. I'm not high. And I'm not even tired. God, I love nights like these. :)
There's nothing better than having a Sober Saturday with some of your best friends, while also sharing this time with some new friends.
It's 4:30am right now. I'm not drunk. I'm not high. And I'm not even tired. God, I love nights like these. :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Down, down, down...
Life in general is starting to take a toll on me.
My body is trying to tell me to slow down a little bit, I think. I haven't been feeling too great the past two days. I feel very tired during the day, and I am unmotivated at practice. I feel like I'm getting a cold.
My leg is still infected...and sliding today on the turf at the baseball field certainly did not feel good on it. My shoulder is giving me serious issues. It hurts every day. It feels like it needs one good pop and then it will be ok. Who knows, I just need it to be fine enough to play. As long as it stays in its socket, that's fine with me.
On a different subject...
I know I've always gone for people who are older than me, but is 4/5 years too much? Its just a weird situation. Innocent, but weird. We'll see how things unfold, I suppose.
My body is trying to tell me to slow down a little bit, I think. I haven't been feeling too great the past two days. I feel very tired during the day, and I am unmotivated at practice. I feel like I'm getting a cold.
My leg is still infected...and sliding today on the turf at the baseball field certainly did not feel good on it. My shoulder is giving me serious issues. It hurts every day. It feels like it needs one good pop and then it will be ok. Who knows, I just need it to be fine enough to play. As long as it stays in its socket, that's fine with me.
On a different subject...
I know I've always gone for people who are older than me, but is 4/5 years too much? Its just a weird situation. Innocent, but weird. We'll see how things unfold, I suppose.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!!!!1
So softball has officially taken over my life now. Practice 6 days per week, lifting twice per week, long practices on the weekends...oi.
We had our first scrimmage today (OUTSIDE, BRRR) and it was awesome. Considering my first at-bat was a 3 run homer to right field off Ali, I'd say I'm off to a pretty good start! Then I walked, then I hit a really hard line drive at Dev that she couldn't field, then I hit a single to right to bring in the game-winning run in the last inning. The team I was on (the red team) won 10-9 after holding off the white squad in the bottom of the last inning. Woo wooooo.
This year, I think we are going to rely on our bats pretty heavily. Our defense is great, don't get me wrong, but we're still lacking the true #3 pitcher in our rotation. Right now, it looks as if it will be Nikki, a walk-on freshman. She's pretty good.
But what will win us our games will definitey be our big sticks and timely hitting. Here's the batting order and positions I think Coach Blood should do:
1. Devon - 2B. A real good leadoff batter who can definitely start things early for us.
2. Marissa - LF. A slapper who can bunt/slap and just put the ball in play for us.
3. Aly - SS. Power hitter capable of driving in runs if she doesn't freak out.
4. Elise - 3B. Hot and cold sometimes...but when she's hot she's on fire.
5. Me - 1B. I make good contact. I'm working on becoming more of a power hitter though.
6. Jessy - RF. When she hits the ball she hits it HARD.
7. Keener - DP. She's a frosh but she can fricken rip the ball.
8. Meg - CF. This girl can hit the ball farther than I've ever seen.
9. Vanessa - C. When she makes contact its good. It's just a matter of staying on a hot streak.
I doubt this will be the actual order that we will post come game-time...but whatever. It's just what I feel is the best for the team, based on what I saw in the scrimmage today. Who knows what goes on in Coach's mind...he sees things way different than we do.
Anyways, softball is great. It provides me with a concrete schedule and I find that I'm a better student during season. The social aspect of life calms down a bit, but I still find some quality "me time" on some Wednesday or Thursday nights...lol.
And as much as the green room sucks...it's way better than the freezing cold weather outside :)
We had our first scrimmage today (OUTSIDE, BRRR) and it was awesome. Considering my first at-bat was a 3 run homer to right field off Ali, I'd say I'm off to a pretty good start! Then I walked, then I hit a really hard line drive at Dev that she couldn't field, then I hit a single to right to bring in the game-winning run in the last inning. The team I was on (the red team) won 10-9 after holding off the white squad in the bottom of the last inning. Woo wooooo.
This year, I think we are going to rely on our bats pretty heavily. Our defense is great, don't get me wrong, but we're still lacking the true #3 pitcher in our rotation. Right now, it looks as if it will be Nikki, a walk-on freshman. She's pretty good.
But what will win us our games will definitey be our big sticks and timely hitting. Here's the batting order and positions I think Coach Blood should do:
1. Devon - 2B. A real good leadoff batter who can definitely start things early for us.
2. Marissa - LF. A slapper who can bunt/slap and just put the ball in play for us.
3. Aly - SS. Power hitter capable of driving in runs if she doesn't freak out.
4. Elise - 3B. Hot and cold sometimes...but when she's hot she's on fire.
5. Me - 1B. I make good contact. I'm working on becoming more of a power hitter though.
6. Jessy - RF. When she hits the ball she hits it HARD.
7. Keener - DP. She's a frosh but she can fricken rip the ball.
8. Meg - CF. This girl can hit the ball farther than I've ever seen.
9. Vanessa - C. When she makes contact its good. It's just a matter of staying on a hot streak.
I doubt this will be the actual order that we will post come game-time...but whatever. It's just what I feel is the best for the team, based on what I saw in the scrimmage today. Who knows what goes on in Coach's mind...he sees things way different than we do.
Anyways, softball is great. It provides me with a concrete schedule and I find that I'm a better student during season. The social aspect of life calms down a bit, but I still find some quality "me time" on some Wednesday or Thursday nights...lol.
And as much as the green room sucks...it's way better than the freezing cold weather outside :)
Monday, February 2, 2009
Open your eyes
My bones ache, my skin feels cold. I'm getting so tired and so old.
Get up, get out, get away from these liars. Because they don't get your soul or your fire.
Every minute from this minute now, we can do what we like anywhere.
Get up, get out, get away from these liars. Because they don't get your soul or your fire.
Every minute from this minute now, we can do what we like anywhere.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Ripe.
It's weird because...I think I'm going through somewhat of a transition in my life.
I look around and all I see are people who I cannot stand the thought of. Congrats, you go out and get shitfaced 4 times per week. You know what? Right now I'm completely satisfied with going out once, maybe twice, per week and having one or two drinks. I'm just so tired. I can't live like this anymore.
I don't have the energy to put up with people anymore. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I would rather stay in and watch a movie than go out to a party. I'm maturing, I guess.
I spoke with some teammates today, the conversation went a little something like this:
Me: I don't think I want to go out tonight.
A: Yeah, me neither.
Me: It's come to the point where I'm just too tired to go out.
D: I agree, it takes a lot out of you.
A: Yeah it totally does.
Me: We're getting old. My body can't deal with drinking anymore. I'm thinking about doing a semi-dry season this year.
D: Me too. I don't want to drink...only occassionally, you know?
Me: I agree. I'm too old for this shit...
On another note. I was hitting today and my shoulder popped. It is very rare. But it happens usually at least once per season. It was extremely painful. I'm going to be sore, I know that. There's nothing I can do. I'm not going to tell the coaches or anyone because that will create more problems. For now I'll just deal and put on lots and lots of ice. Woo hoo.
I look around and all I see are people who I cannot stand the thought of. Congrats, you go out and get shitfaced 4 times per week. You know what? Right now I'm completely satisfied with going out once, maybe twice, per week and having one or two drinks. I'm just so tired. I can't live like this anymore.
I don't have the energy to put up with people anymore. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I would rather stay in and watch a movie than go out to a party. I'm maturing, I guess.
I spoke with some teammates today, the conversation went a little something like this:
Me: I don't think I want to go out tonight.
A: Yeah, me neither.
Me: It's come to the point where I'm just too tired to go out.
D: I agree, it takes a lot out of you.
A: Yeah it totally does.
Me: We're getting old. My body can't deal with drinking anymore. I'm thinking about doing a semi-dry season this year.
D: Me too. I don't want to drink...only occassionally, you know?
Me: I agree. I'm too old for this shit...
On another note. I was hitting today and my shoulder popped. It is very rare. But it happens usually at least once per season. It was extremely painful. I'm going to be sore, I know that. There's nothing I can do. I'm not going to tell the coaches or anyone because that will create more problems. For now I'll just deal and put on lots and lots of ice. Woo hoo.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Desperate.
All I want to do is go to this cafe. What the heck.
It's in the Home Dairy Co. building on State St., it's called the Mate Factor. But there's a little accent on the E, so it's pronounced, "mat-ay".
It's run by a cult called Twelve Tribes. They have a cafe located in Plymouth, and they are the most friendly people EVER!!! If you befriend them, they invite you for a delicious dinner at their house. And they have the BEST bread...mmm.
I'm ready to go by myself, damnit.
It's in the Home Dairy Co. building on State St., it's called the Mate Factor. But there's a little accent on the E, so it's pronounced, "mat-ay".
It's run by a cult called Twelve Tribes. They have a cafe located in Plymouth, and they are the most friendly people EVER!!! If you befriend them, they invite you for a delicious dinner at their house. And they have the BEST bread...mmm.
I'm ready to go by myself, damnit.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Oh, it's been a while.
Been doing some thinking. I was told today that I "skate through life", referring to how I perform at Cornell.
Fuck yes I do. My motto is to work smart, not hard. Does it really even matter in the end? I still get my diploma, so long as I have a passing GPA.
And really, later on in life, this is how I see things:
I'm in an interview. There's two people interviewing for this position...myself and another. So-and-so person #2 went to a DIII no-name college and graduated with a 3.7 (woop dee fucken doo).
Now, here I am. I've got a good personality. AND my resume says I graduated from Cornell fucken University, the DI Ivy powerhouse, making no-name over there look as insignificant as an ant. Do the grades I got matter in this interview? No. Because I still have a piece of paper with my name on it that says that I graduated from Cornell.
I'm pompous as fuck sometimes, but I have every right to be. Just look where I go to school, bitch.
So fuck all of you.
Fuck yes I do. My motto is to work smart, not hard. Does it really even matter in the end? I still get my diploma, so long as I have a passing GPA.
And really, later on in life, this is how I see things:
I'm in an interview. There's two people interviewing for this position...myself and another. So-and-so person #2 went to a DIII no-name college and graduated with a 3.7 (woop dee fucken doo).
Now, here I am. I've got a good personality. AND my resume says I graduated from Cornell fucken University, the DI Ivy powerhouse, making no-name over there look as insignificant as an ant. Do the grades I got matter in this interview? No. Because I still have a piece of paper with my name on it that says that I graduated from Cornell.
I'm pompous as fuck sometimes, but I have every right to be. Just look where I go to school, bitch.
So fuck all of you.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Before everything, I remember this.
"I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road,
I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down."
'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road,
I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down."
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Survey says...
Will you be looking for a new job? Nope, love my job. Event staff, what?
Will you be looking for a new relationship? Already have one :) just gotta play my cards right this time
New house? Nah 711 is where it's at.
What will you do different in 2009? Put myself before others, instead of acting like a door mat.
New Years resolution? Play the field.
What will you not be doing in 2009? Sucking at softball/life lol
Any trips planned? Well if you count all the places we got for softball...lots of places.
Wedding plans? fuck no
What's on your calendar? About 50 games. Trip to San Fran, eventually. Turning 21.
What can't you wait for? Turning 21 in July. Can't wait for season to start.
What would you like to see happen different? Lets win fucken Ivies this year.
What about yourself will you be changing? A lot of shit
What happened in '08 that you didn't think would ever happen? I dated a straight girl. Never again. hahahahahahah J/K
Will you be nicer to the people you care about? Of course, unless they deserve otherwise.
Will you dress differently this year than you did in 08? I'm gonna try to wear jeans more. But I'm definitely not leaving behind the teagle sweats and cornell softball gear lol
Are you going to be in school in 09? Unfortunately.
How will you make more money in 09? EVENT STAFF, bitch. Hoodrat shit.
Will you do charity work? Yeah with the team
Will you be nice to people you don't know? Of course.
Do you expect 2009 to be a worse year for you than 2008? No, 2008 fucken sucked. I'm gonna pretend it didn't happen. Nowhere to go but up.
How much did you change from this time last year til now? A little bit. I dont know, I'm a year older.
Do you plan on having a child? Not this year, but eventually.
Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now? Hopefully, I love my friends.
Major lifestyle changes? Nah, still in school. But I am turning 21.
Will you be moving? Nope, p-rock and ith is where I'm at.
What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2009 that happened in 08? I dont even want to get into it. 2008 didn't even happen, remember?
Wishes for 2009: Live life to the fullest. Win. Succeed.
Will you be looking for a new relationship? Already have one :) just gotta play my cards right this time
New house? Nah 711 is where it's at.
What will you do different in 2009? Put myself before others, instead of acting like a door mat.
New Years resolution? Play the field.
What will you not be doing in 2009? Sucking at softball/life lol
Any trips planned? Well if you count all the places we got for softball...lots of places.
Wedding plans? fuck no
What's on your calendar? About 50 games. Trip to San Fran, eventually. Turning 21.
What can't you wait for? Turning 21 in July. Can't wait for season to start.
What would you like to see happen different? Lets win fucken Ivies this year.
What about yourself will you be changing? A lot of shit
What happened in '08 that you didn't think would ever happen? I dated a straight girl. Never again. hahahahahahah J/K
Will you be nicer to the people you care about? Of course, unless they deserve otherwise.
Will you dress differently this year than you did in 08? I'm gonna try to wear jeans more. But I'm definitely not leaving behind the teagle sweats and cornell softball gear lol
Are you going to be in school in 09? Unfortunately.
How will you make more money in 09? EVENT STAFF, bitch. Hoodrat shit.
Will you do charity work? Yeah with the team
Will you be nice to people you don't know? Of course.
Do you expect 2009 to be a worse year for you than 2008? No, 2008 fucken sucked. I'm gonna pretend it didn't happen. Nowhere to go but up.
How much did you change from this time last year til now? A little bit. I dont know, I'm a year older.
Do you plan on having a child? Not this year, but eventually.
Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now? Hopefully, I love my friends.
Major lifestyle changes? Nah, still in school. But I am turning 21.
Will you be moving? Nope, p-rock and ith is where I'm at.
What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2009 that happened in 08? I dont even want to get into it. 2008 didn't even happen, remember?
Wishes for 2009: Live life to the fullest. Win. Succeed.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Stolen. (Note the clever double meaning behind that word)
"I just want to say, before I fuck up and lose it, that this feeling? Is a very, very, very fine feeling.
And that if I DO fuck up and lose it...I should remember how great it is to wake up with butterflies and bite your nails by the phone and say good night."
And that if I DO fuck up and lose it...I should remember how great it is to wake up with butterflies and bite your nails by the phone and say good night."
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