Tyler Durden

"All the ways you wish you could be, that's me.

I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck.

I am smart, capable, and most importantly...I am free in all the ways that you are not."

This is new.

I feel so free.


Nothing can take this away.


And season starts so soon. I am SO pumped. WOOOOOOOOO!!! :)

Now I know.

I realize now that I'm not the one that you think of when you lie your head down to sleep.

I'm not the one you dream of while you're sleeping.

I'm not the one that occupies your thoughts day in and day out.

I'm not the one you want.

I'm just not the one.

Don't trust me.

"Black dress with the tights underneath, I got the breath of the last cigarette on my teeth.

Tongue's always pressed to your cheeks, while my tongue is on the inside of some other girls teeth. Tell your boyfriend if he says hes got beef that I'm a vegetarian.

X's on the back of your hands, wash them in the bathroom to drink like the bands. Bruises cover your arms, shaking in the fingers with the bottle in your palm. The best is, no one knows who you are. Just another girl alone at the bar.

She wants to touch me. She wants to love me. She'll never leave me.

Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips."

I'm in an interesting mood tonight. And that last line is killer, it gets me every time.

Beep beep

Sometimes I feel like the biggest fuckface on the planet.


Then I realize that I'm not doing anything wrong.


Thank God break is here.

Let me kiss you on your hot spot

A.Garv is back in the game, bitches.


WATCH OUT! :-D

Do or die.

Tonight decides everything.

If everything goes well/repeat of Fri. night...sweeeeeeeeet that would be awesome. :)

If not, shit. That blows. :(

It's just not fair

Right when I think I'm back on my feet again, ready to be done with this...you knock me right back down again. And I fall to the same exact spot where you've had me for far too long.


I'm taking steps in the right direction (and I have the, um, "marks" to prove it). But really, I get tangled up in some interesting things. Another one with an attachment elsewhere? Just my luck.


Ugh, sometimes I just need an escape. Hence why I do some of the things that I do. When my brain is emptied of all the issues and then filled with smoke, everything in this life seems so frivolous.


I want simplicity. I want relaxation.
I. want. freedom.

Figures

The day of my party I feel like shit/get sick.


I have no motivation whatsoever to clean my room. But I know I have to. This night will be epic.

...

And then there's the nights where everything is like a dream and I can't even feel my feet touching the ground.

Let's do hoodrat shit

3 hours of Apples to Apples, "Would you rather...", Kill/Fuck/Marry.


Vandalism. Hoodrat business.


Then, I was most definitely soaring in another galaxy. I was semi-bugging but talking to Amy helped me chill.


Final word: As of February 1, 2009...I quit. This is promise.

Success

This whole night was a success.


rugby formall was fantastic. baseball holiday was a great time.


i love girls. the end.

"I'm not sleeping! I'm just asian 'cause I'm high!"

First, Sake shots at City Style, courtesy of our sexy bartender who chased us down the street and forced (not much force needed) us to participate in a free round ;-)


Second, a fantastical ride on a T-Cat that brought back memories of a yester year.


Lastly, 2 tightly packed bowls and a Chewy bar feeding friendzy while watching Harold and Kumar (how appropriate)...


Sometimes you just gotta say "fuck it" and celebrate friendship. These are some of the best days of my life, and I have the best friends I could ask for. I wouldn't trade my life for the world.

Cock-a-doodle-do

I feel myself getting shy. I feel like I'm chickening out.




Speaking of which, I'm making delicious chicken for dinner. Yum! Can't wait.

The truth is...

This is going to be one of the hardest things that I will ever have to do in my life.

I am not looking forward to it. But, somehow, it seems necessary.

I'm putting everything out there.

I feel like if I put off doing it, it won't happen. But I know that isn't true. Tomorrow I will sit down and let everything flow. Whatever comes out will permanently stain the paper and will not be erasable.

Then, whatever comes out onto this paper, I will have to share it. I'm not going to withold anything that is on that paper. I am going to recite every line.

I don't know what will become of this. I've thought a very long time about it. One thing I do know...it will hurt. You bet it will.

In case you didn't know

You're clingy and you get attached too soon and too easily.




That may help you in your travels.

If you wanted a song about you, all you had to do was ask!

I'm throwing away pictures that I never should have taken in the first place. It's cold in my apartment as I'm changing all the colors from the brightest reds to grays.

I hope this makes you happy now, that the flame we had is burning out. I hope you like your pictures facing down. I'm burning all the letters hoping that I might forget you and the bad taste that you left. You changed yourself and I changed me.

I really didn't see us singing through this. You smiled the whole way through it, I guess maybe that's what's worse.

I'm taking all your memories off the shelf and I don't need you or anybody else. So take a look at me, see what you want to see.

Take me home, you have a problem with the truth. Take me home, because this happens every time. I knew it would.




HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

I'm just so tired...

I'm tired of the BS.

I'm tired of the excuses.

I'm tired of the double standard.

I'm tired of all the shit that comes along with this.

I am near the end here. Sometimes, I sit and I weigh my options. Yes or no. Wrong or right. Continue or stop. Sadly, I've been leaning towards the no's, the wrong's, and stopping. This is taking up way too much energy. And why should I stand for this? What did I do? What am I doing?

I'm a good person. Anything that makes me feel like I am less than a good person (when I know I'm not) has no room in my life. So it bugs me when I waste time thinking about stuff like this.

Why do things have to be so complicated? I don't get it.

I'm just so tired...and I don't know what to do.

Some things are hard to break

Ah yes, finally, the weekend is here. Let the epic-ness begin.

Anyways, that isn't the real reason I'm writing this. I'm writing because I was pleasantly surprised by something last night, and whenever it graces my mind, I smile about it.

The situation was handled very maturely. It was damn near the last straw for me. I was reciting the things I would say in my head, planning just how I wanted it to go, and I was prepping myself for the result. But, in the end, it wasn't necessary.

I'm impressed to say the least, and quite happy. Some things are just hard to break, I guess.

And I suppose that this thing...yes, it was made to last.

All fired up!

I'm running on pure adrenaline right now. I've stayed up til 4am the past two nights, with minimal sleep.

I had an exam tonight in my human development class, I was falling asleep reading some of the questions because they were so damn long and wordy! Eff that class!

Ok so, I have minimal work the rest of the week, meaning minimal stress. All I have to do is be wise with my spending to save up for Canada.

Here is what I'm looking forward to most this week: Testing at lift (aka kicking ass, went up 25 lbs today on my power clean, and jumped 1.5 inches higher on my vert test! yes!). Kristin and I get to film our project. No event staffing this week.

Now here is my weekend: Niagara on Friday night! Jock Jams Saturday night! Jack's Mannequin on Sunday! AH!

It shall be EPIC.

It's crunch time

5 page paper. Exam tomorrow night. Financial crisis.



I wish sometimes I could just go away for a while.

"Fuxk girlsa" ...first text in my inbox

It's 3am and I'm still not in bed. I have class at 10. Why am I not sleeping? Because I'm in college, that's why.

Today was great. Made a new friend in study hall that will compliment Kristin and I quite well :)

As for project meow, fuck this shit I'm horrible and I should just quit. But not really cuz I like a challenge. Duh.

Stress level for today: non-existent. Let us keep it that way.

Just like heaven

I took a nap today after I wrote that "I'm basically stress free today!" post. Then I woke up feeling the complete opposite. My dreams are so realistic it scares me awake. I wrote something in my livejournal last week (ash_garv_32, check it) that I am still reciting in my head...

"Life is so complicated. One day you can feel like you're making so much progress in the right direction. Then one small thing can happen and it's like you're back to square one."

Well today my "one small thing" was my dream. Awake, I can convince myself of almost anything. It's just when I lie asleep, my brain shows me through my dreams the reality of everything. I swear, you were really there and you were living and breathing beside me. You felt as strongly as I did. You didn't have regrets. Suspended in this moment, I was happy.

Then I woke up. I thought to myself, "It was just a dream...no, a nightmare. Get over it." After lying there for a while and just existing, I peeled myself off my sheets and got the fuck over it.

Bigger and better things

This weekend was spectacular. Stress free. Had a great time.

Today was great as well. It's Kristin's birthday so we went to State Street Diner to combat our nasty hangovers from the festivities of last night.

Today was stress free, until I realized that I have a million things coming up by next monday. I have a paper, a test, a quiz...time to get a head start and brainstorm that paper.

And operation MEOW is in full effect. It's time to move on and I won't quit 'til I get what (or who, one person in particular) I want. Kristin will be stepping in as my wingman to give me all the help I can get...hahaha.

Should be interesting.

Money ain't a thing...but really, it is.

Very stressed today. I woke up to an email from my mom about school and finances and blah blah blah. Not a very good way to start your day.

What stressed me the most today was thinking about school. How am I gonna do this semester? What am I taking next semester? Can I take some winter courses? The answer is "I don't know".

Also, the fact that I have no money (literally) bothers me. However, I got a job on campus...so hopefully things will turn around in that department.

Sometimes, all I need are my friends. I love being around all of them. So tonight is all about good cheer and de-stressing myself with all of my favorite people :-)

Until next time...

And the reason is...

Welcome to the limit.


Here and henceforth, I will be blogging (just say it with me...BLOOOOGGGGGINGGGGG...love it) daily about my stress and the stuff that causes it.


As much as I'd love to say that this isn't for a class, I can't. Damn.


Today's status: Stress-free so far. Slept like shit last night because I had bad dreams. AND MY EYE IS STILL TWITCHING.